Gift Hub

Questions to Ask Before Engaging a Wealth and Wisdom Consultant for your Flourishing Dynastic Family

We in Wealth Bondage know you have many choices today for Wealth and Wisdom Consulting and for passing on family values and for insuring that your family remains dynastic for 100 years or more. We recognize that we are not the only "Trusted Advisors" who have read Virgil, Chaucer, Dante, Freud, or dipped into the Bible. But we would like to suggest that before engaging any of our competitors you ask these simple qualifying questions. Our answers are provided for your reference.

Q: Have you taken a vow of poverty?

A: The Happy Tutor has, Phil has remained broke all is professional life without the benefit of vows. 

Q: Have you taken (and observed) a vow of chastity? 

A: The Happy Tutor took that vow and acknowledges an improvement opportunity in this area; Phil took no such vow, but reports long term success in keeping it

Q: Do you hold a Divinity Degree?

A: Tutor: from Oxford, 1551; Phil: no.

Q: If yes, have you been defrocked?

A: Tutor: technically, no. 

Q: As to Wisdom, can you keep a straight face?

A: Tutor: yes. Phil: yes. Our clients find us hilarious. Two straight men, with no need of a comic. 

Q: But how can you keep a straight face?

A: Tutor: to master others I must master myself; Phil: we wouldn't be funny if we didn't

 Q: As to Virtues of Flourishing Families, do you mean filthy rich families only?

A: Tutor: yes. Phil: yes. This is a wisdom-and-wealth-industry-wide best practice. 

Q: As to a Flourishing Family of Wealth in a Flourishing Society of the Non-Wealthy, where do you find support for your position?

A: Tutor: in Rome, Greece, Moscow, London, New York, Rio, wherever dynasties have flourished at the expense of the people. Phil: in the Gospels properly understood while reading them standing on my head. 

Q: If you two clowns are so wise and virtuous why aren't you rich and famous?

A: Tutor: as a monk, took vows of poverty and humility. Phil: I will be soon; I am dating one of my best clients, rich, dumb, old, and ugly. No living heirs. My intentions are honorable. 

 

Solemn and Silly on the World Stage as Seen from Audrey's Family Room

Audrey scowls spread-eagled on the couch in the family room watching the news. Beside her is lanky Tutor. Ivanka?, Tutor can see Audrey thinking, if she inherits the world, what about Audrey, who has been promised as much by Momma? Tutor reassures her, "Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations is a proverb in all nations. Ivanka is Gen-2, the one that coasts, and her kids, if she has any, will be those who squander the family riches, moral, spiritual, political, financial. That rise and fall of dynastic families is what leaves room open for new growth, as when in a forest a mighty silver beech falls, and opens a space for, say, an oak to replace it." Audrey knows from his portentous tone that Tutor is pretending to be Solemn, his own straightman. Ivanka has her Wise counselors, Audrey," says Tutor, "but you have me." "But you are just a Silly Grownup!" says Audrey. "My point, exactly!," smiles Tutor. "You have a Silly Grownup. Who do you think coaches Ivanka?" To which Audrey and Tutor chant in unison, their faces red, ever so loud it brings Momma running in exasperation, "Stupid Grownups!"  

Tutor's mood is darker of late

Tutor is hiding in Audrey's big toy box, what he calls her Dumpster, drinking again into the wee hours, and regressing to the surly moralist he once was, under emperors and kings and queens long gone.  I only hope he does not cast a pall over Audrey, she who will inherit and rule our world, if it continues past the dynastic family now in charge. Even our future queen deserves a few years to grow as a rose grows in a well tended garden, to flourish as herself. "Come on, Tutor," she says, sensing his despair. "When I get sad, I do somersaults, really fast." And so, he trundles up and down her room, following her high rpm rolls with his slower more majestic ones. Now, exhausted, he is lying arms outstretched like the crucified Christ, as Audrey jumps up and down on his chest. But he is smiling. This Private Morals Tutoring of a nine year old, even for short money, is still his ideal job. Spanking The Wealth Creators, while they shrieked in delight, certainly had its moments, as Dungeon Master to the Stars in Wealth Bondage (Ah, the tales he could tell of important people you might know from the news!), but G-2, before the hormones hit, are more fun. If only every parent could afford a full time Moral Mentor for a kid, the world would be a better place.

Our Prelapsarian Business Model

Our first parents tended the garden gratis, yet there was a business model: "Do as told." Because they failed that edict, ever after must we sinners toil by the sweat of our brow in bondage to filthy lucre, sin, and death. When in the End Times, The Most High put a vaunting Casino Owner above us, it is to remind us of the pigsty we have made of God's Creation. PM from The Happy Tutor, Dungeon Master to the Stars in Wealth Bondage.

The Business Model (Skipping Rope)

Audrey has tied one end of the rope to her doorknob. Tutor is holding the other end, and twirling the rope, as Audrey skips and chants to the slap of the rope on the stone floor. Teddy bear, teddy bear, Turn around. Teddy bear, teddy bear, Touch the ground. Teddy bear, teddy bear, Show your shoe. Teddy bear, teddy bear, That will do. Teddy bear, teddy bear, Go upstairs. Teddy bear, teddy bear, Say your prayers. Teddy bear, teddy bear, Turn out the light. Teddy bear, teddy bear.... Who taught her the song? Not Tutor, he recognizes it somehow from ages past, but never taught her. Maybe Cook's daughter? From my own perspective as a Wise Man and Gift Counselor, who achieved lifelong poverty without having to take the vow first, and chastity, too, unfortunately, I wonder what is the business model for that song and my work? The things we do for love, maybe that is the answer. Wealth Bondage: The Things We Do for Love. Maybe I should get a philanthropic planning job in a Private Bank. But at my age prostitution is a pro bono activity, too. Maybe like Tutor I can become a babysitter and moral mentor to some rich kid. His rap sheet is longer than mine.

At Risk Hearing

"Understanding and loving are inseparable. If they are separate, it is a cerebral process and the door to essential understanding remains closed" wrote Eric Fromm. As with poetry, he says, listening is interpreting or fathoming. Understanding (notwithstanding) another is appreciation, and letting be, of what eludes understanding, the "strangeness" the other. "Loves knowledge," as Martha Nussbaum says. The risk of loving certain sayings is they begin to love you back. And make demands upon the dormant auditor,  so the poem or gospel can live again, like a seed, regardless of the husk.

 

Said thimble to tun of wine

"How can you be so big and contain only a thimbleful?" (As the rest washed over it and away.)

How the World Ends and Why

All of Tutor’s tutorials directed to Audrey are pointedly unheard. Yet the fate of the world is determined not by a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil but by whatever a Morals Consultant may once have said to 9.5 year old Ivanka. A missile strike in Syria, the world’s largest bomb in Afghanistan, nuclear war with Korea, Russia, or China, perhaps the End Times, pivot on the aphorisms of Pubilius Syrus, a freed slave, read to a child playing jacks as her rescue dog runs off with the red ball.

It Takes A Wisdom Consultant to Raise a Child of Wealth

In Africa, maybe, and in the wrong circles in the US, it may "take a village to raise a child," but among my clients and Tutor's all it takes is a budget. You as a Dynast today work with advisors at $1,000 an hour to prepare the money for the heirs; isn't it worth twice that to prepare the heirs for the money? That was a trick question. You know damn well that an attorney, or professor, or trust officer, or wealth manager, or therapist billing by the hour at an outrageous rate for "wisdom" is not the kind of sanctimonious hypocrite any self respecting parent would want messing with the mind of a child. What you need - forgive me if it seems self-serving of me - is a Genuine Morals Tutor like me who has lived all his life in poverty (without even needing to take a vow of poverty), or one like my own mentor, The Happy Tutor, who can provide moral counsel to a minor, at babysitter wages, and  discipline OTK to the parents, at no extra charge, pro bono publico.

I ask you, the non-rich among us, if paid morals tutors to Dynastic Families are doing such a great job in inculcating morals, why is this country, all the but rich part, going to hell? If the morals being taught to Dynasts at my competitors' shops were real morals, you would see a flood of civic virtue and philanthropy that would rain down like justice by the trillions. You would see tax rates on the rich rise, and estate tax doubled. You would see minimum wages at $15 an hour. Instead, what do you see among Dynasts? Every day in news. In the Cabinet, even higher in The Family Enterprise, inclusive of our Country? My fellow Wisdom Advisors have much to reproach themselves for. They have treated Wisdom like their Bitch, another product to sell.

If this rings true to you, and you are worth one billion or more, please contact me care of this blog,  so Tutor and I can begin to restore your virtue and wisdom to the original factory settings, and to protect your heirs from your family values, at a price that will not make a dent in your morals budget.  If you are beyond saving, beyond even the grace of God, please contact my competitors to expedite Your Journey (to Hell). You have much in common and will get along well.

Moral Maxims of Pubilius Syrus for The Instruction of Future Casino Owners Charged with The Public Trust

Tutor has a favorite Ancient, Pubilius Syrus, a slave from Syria, freed in Rome because of his gift for sententiae.  Tutor identifies with him because a) Syrus was a slave in the greatest empire in history and Tutor was a wage slave in Wealth Bondage the greatest corporatiorn in history, b) Syrus did moral maxims and Tutor has his tooterisms, c) Syrus got his start doing "mimes," as Tutor is best known for mimicking the Wise and Virtuous under the guise of a Fool and a Rogue, and mostly because c) all but tiny fragments of Syrus's works have been lost and Tutor (so he claims) is the author of a Work of Genius, now lost somewhere in his Dumpster under the old books and a sack of garbage. 

So, at this very moment, Tutor is lounging on Audrey's bed, in the Castle by the Sea, reading out aphorisms, to form the moral sensibility of she who will one day rule us all. 

Audrey is on the floor teaching herself to shoot dice, because - bright young lady that she is - she has noticed that owning a Casino is probably the best path to understanding the General Public, winning their votes, if votes are needed, and ruling them as they wish to be ruled, with Dreams, Folly, Cupidity, Lust, and Rage. 

Tutor to Audrey: "Depravity pretends to goodness, that it may be worse than before!"

Audrey ignoring Tutor, blowing on her dice: "Lady Luck don't fail me now!"

Tutor to Audrey, just doing his job: "The less Fortune has given, the less she can take away."

Audrey caught up in the game: "O Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Snake eyes!"

Tutor to Audrey: "Excessive indignation is sometimes evidence of a great crime."

Audrey hopeful again, with the energy of youth: "Sweet Jesus, make me a winner, please motherfucking Jesus!"

Tutor to Audrey: "In the art of praying, necessity is the best of teachers."

More rides on the patience of a Tutor, of Generations 2-4 in Dynastic Families than can ever be corrected by Congress, Nato, or The United Nations. At $14 a day plus room and board in the old Dungeon, Tutor is doing the work of God-in-History. I am not worthy to touch the ragged hem of his Hawaiian shirt. All I claim is that I am one of his lineage, his chief descendent, intellectually speaking, the founder of a peripatetic Dumpster Dwelling School, the Infallible Peter, the rock upon whom my Master  has founded his Church. To me and to me alone has he entrusted his Word. He gives it away, pro bono publico, like a sower of seed in the asphalt wilderness, as freely as a breeze through the trees, or the promptings of the holy spirit, but I own and have reserved all the rights! "It is," as Tutor wisely saith, "all Wealth Bondage after all."