Audrey, after all her hard work, bussing tables in the servant's quarters at minimum wage, so she can earn money to save dogs, is in tears on payday. 30 hours worked at $10 an hour, minus federal, state, and local taxes, and Social Security, as an independent contractor, nets her $237. At Costco, a thirty pound bag of USDA Organic Chicken & Pea Formula Dry Dog Food is $49.99 plus $5 shipping. Even a small dog needs at least four bags a year. Poor Audrey is weeping face down on the floor of her bedroom. So little money, and so many dogs to save! Rex is whining, because his savior is so upset. But not Tutor.
Tutor loves being a pedant, charged with Mentoring Heirs. He stands in his black clerical issue slacks, blacks socks, and favorite Hawaiian Luau shirt, holding up his forefinger, at right angles to his extended arm. "My Future Queen," he intones, "if I may your future Highness....." Audrey turns her head. "Shut up, Tutor, "Now is not the time to be a Stupid Grownup. We need to save dogs, and we can't. Making one of your stupid speeches is not going to help anything."
But Tutor has a plan, as Audrey will soon see. But first he must help her take inventory of her Four Capitals.
"Your Highness, what is your total wealth?"
"$237, Stupid. I already told you. And kibble is $49.99 a bag."
"Yes, but your Highness, is that your real wealth?"
"O Tutor, why do you have be such an asshole! No, of course my real capitals are - you made me write this down - Social Capital, Intellectual Capital, and what was the other one?
"I forget, too, but lets consider your intellectual capital. Can you read and write? Draw pictures? Use an Ipad?"
"Please, Tutor, why are you being such a jerk?"
"Yes, Miladay, and now what is your Social Capital?"
"The people who like me. And you are my Social Capital too, Rex., aren't you. boy?"
"And who else likes you, beside me and Rex?"
"Now," says Tutor, drawing himself up to his full height, finger pumping forward and back, "Who is Momma friends with?"
"Well," says Audrey, "The Kings and Queens of Europe, hedge fund managers, artists, poets, the President of the United States, all the people who are always coming to the Castle to get her to do something, buy something...... Stupid Grownups just like you."
"Audrey, do you want to save millions of hungry dogs?"
"We must leverage your Social Capitol...."
"You sound like Master Jack. Please, just be normal for once, ok?"
And so, they convene to the toy box, pull the blanket over the top, and as they sit facing each other, feet touching, the plan unfolds. (To be continued.)