Wealth Bondage 2.0 changes everything
Yes, Wealth Bondage 1.0 was a ruthless, bondage bordello catering to the worst impulses in human nature, making a market in vice and folly, set to music, as a comic opera, in the spirit of Gay's "Beggars Opera." Yes, Wealth Bondage, back in the olden days (up until early this morning), relied on tyrannical hierarchies, and the extraction of emotional labor from willing/unwilling wage slaves in the iron cages of a well run firm, government, army, or nonprofit grown to Scale. Wealth Bondage 1.0, thank God, is a thing of the past! It was part of an outmoded way of doing business. Its limitations, after the dot.com bubble, the market crash, the housing bubble, prolonged economic stagnation, environmental devastation, copyright wars, growing cultural desolation, pervasive anonmie, and the impact investment bubble (now in progress) have become obvious even to the newest college graduates. Wealth Bondage is currently the company that dares not speak its own name. It is the brand of darkness, dementia, and megalomania. The reputation of Wealth Bondage, as a pervasive though necessary evil, has finally caught up with its reality. The alternative is not life off the grid, revolution, regulation, or the imprisonment of my boss and generous patron, she who rules us all, Mistress Candidia (Candy) Cruikshanks, founder and CEO of Wealth Bondage. For the best and brightest graduates, all dressed up and ready to go, the alternative is certainly not an obscure and ill paid life of service in the nonprofit sector. The alternative is.......?
Yes, the alternative on which the Fate of Humanity now rests, the alternative that will mobilize the best energies and identity-quest, and fizz of youthful enthusiasm and idealism of the best and brightest new hires is Wealth Bondge 2.0, nothing less than a revolution in how Wealth Bondage is provided as a Service to Society. Your task as Chief Buzz Builder pro tem will be to provide suitable language, drawn from Bidgespan, if possible, Lucy Bernholz, Stanford Social Enterprise Review, and Jed Emerson, that will allow us to a) refurbish a morally bankrupt brand, b) hire at reduced wages the best and brightest, like yourself, from all the best business schools, c) deflect regulatory attention, d) improve our self esteem, e) justify the debt incurred by our new hires in getting well but narrowly educated as future tools of Wealth Bondage, e) create a buzz with consumers through word of mouth and social media ("social business" is the best phrase for this unless it has already been trademarked by Salesforce, in which case we must trademark our own phrase for public goods, to insure they inure only to the private benefit of Wealth Bondage).
In short, your role, taking full advantage of your brains, education, virtue, attention to detail, and ability to follow direction, will be to do well and do good by innovating Wealth Bondage 2.0 in the spirit of Facebook, Ben and Jerry's, and other firms providing essential social goods for private gain. Your role, which could be described as Casuistry 2.0 is to provide a mobile army of metaphors, and emotional logic connecting private benefit and public good in a language so businesslike it can pass as literal among those who have no working knowledge of poetry, and whose knowledge of sophistry is limited to the sober discourse of experts in the mass media. On the new and innovative Wealth Bondage 2.0 Civil Society as a Service platform, all social life, as well as the economy, will be owned. Government will be a vestige, with elected officials bought and sold, much as they are now. Justice will be downsized, with justices bought in the open market, much as they are now. Buying influence and capturing the regulatory functions will be deemed Freedom of Speech in Bondage to Wealth, same as now. The difference is that by doing good by doing well, the owners will be us, in proportion to our contributions, great and small, with the great preponderance, rightly so, vested in the hands of my generous patron, and your new boss, Ms. Cruikshanks, whose limitless fortune amply confirms her limitless Virtue.
This entreprenurial position is an unpaid internship.
