I get very few calls about my morals tutoring business, other than newspapers calling to ask for success stories in turning crooks and psychopaths in high places into good citizens. I have no data on that. The last morals tutor who blabbed about such things died a horrible death, though it was not torture per se, they just cut him into bits over an extended period of time, as an example to the rest of us, in defense of national security, since the person he had tried to reform was in charge of the not-torture program locally, nationally, and internationally, and had helped formulate the National Security Kill on Sight List. But I do get some calls about how to get ahead in philanthropy consulting and how to make good money at it. A brilliant young woman called yesterday, to this effect, "I have worked in financial services, rising rapidly. I have interfaced and liased and generally been in the mix with C-level execs of a Fortune 100 firm. I have also worked for a former Senator in his philanthropic intitiatives. All my friends from College are applying to business school. They rate Harvard as top choice and all see Tuck as a safety school. I could go too, but it will cost $200,000. I want to work in this field. The growing philanthropic consulting firms won't even look at my resume without an MBA. Maybe I should get into impact investing?" I gave her worldy advice to the effect the MBAs have now successfully colononized the nonprofit sector. To add value, or better yet extract value, and to move it up the value chain into her own pocket, while doing good, and getting on the front cover of Forbes as a social entrepreneur, she would need an MBA or connections with the Russian mafia, or the equivalent. To cover those bases, I set her up with an interview with my generous patron, Candidia Cruikshanks, MBA, she who rules us all. A recommendation from Candy, HBS class of 83, would get her into Harvard for sure, or into the mob, if that proves a better option. $200,000 is peanuts for a social entrepreneur to pay back from enhanced earnings consulting with struggling nonprofits, or from shaking them down. The top Shared Value Consultants in Wealth Bondage make that much in a week. And the good they do is totally out of control - in fact it is beyond measure. Metrics are not available to document it because it dwarfs all measurement tools known to mankind. Who can measure Infinite Value? The Sharing part is a work in progress. Looting is good. Sharing among MBAs is good. Beyond that, people get what they deserve. That I am broke at my age is a pretty good indication that I should have gotten a better education, when I had that chance, rather than studying The Beggars Opera, a work which has limited contemporary application, since it is about the Romance of Wealth and Power and the pleasures of abusing them, and the public trust as well, while also being beloved of the general public as well by our fellow knaves, rogues, doxies, judges and Prime Ministers. The Beggar who introduces that play is a good friend; we have often slept beneath a bridge together, and have shared a bottle of bum wine, and good stories about our betters in high places, subject of course to Confidentiality upon Pain which is not Torture, but hurts like hell short of organ failure, pending the Hellfire drone strike, to make the world safe for Freedom and the like. First they send the drones, then the Seals, then Regular Army to absorb the IEDs, then the MBAs. Shared Value Creation Globally. Measure and Manage. Name, Claim, and Subjugate. You think I am kidding? Good! I am joking. I am crazy. Don't hurt me, or at least let it be over quickly as a concession for my many years of loyal service to the Wardens who serve us. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to clean up the Dungeon before my next Moral Intervention. I am reforming an aged Nun sent here by the Pope for espousing social justice. It is a freebie, but I get to share in the collection plate next Sunday at the Homeless Shelter. My colleague, Father Brennan, is preaching one last Sermon on Chastity, before entering the Witness Protection Program, his reward for turning States Evidence against the Bishop. The dectectives are working up the chain of command. But it is all in good fun. No one goes to jail. No laws were broken. I can testify to that under oath, for my usual fee.