Why Is my tongue black?

I am told on good authority that the best wine auctions are now held in China. They are bidding the best vintages out of the reach of most Americans, even the richest. Fortunately, bum wines remain affordably priced, which is a mercy. I only wish they did not turn my tongue so black. Or, maybe that comes from licking my boss and generous patrons boots. Checking my peers tongues, I conclude that I must either be drinking more than they or licking more because my tongue is the blackest, or at least among the blackest, right up there with Dirk who just got promoted to Senior Morals Consultant II. Next year if my results are better, I may make Senior Consultant II myself. We are targeting the morals of the poor on a special grant from Rooster Foundation. I will get points for every poor person I reform after the first three thousand. We are working on the metrics with Bridgespan now so at least it will all be handled quite professionally. I would hate to reform thousands and not get extra. Paying for performance is only fair.