Funded a Superpac? Get your Free Hyperagent Moral Biography Here

If you have funded a Superpac at $1 million or more, I would be happy to provide you with a free moral and/or spiritual biography at no cost to yourself, your complete satisfaction guaranteed. This book, a pricless heirloom, provided in an ermine trimmed velvet pouch, will be cherished for generations and will help you pass on your Family Values to your heirs. It can be read at your funeral, or passages from it, and can be provided to your legatees at the reading of the will. It can guide your Foundation in hewing to your Donor Intent, as your sucessors continue your Good Works in Perpetuity. It will help connect meaning and money, and will attest to your personal character, and the path you have taken through this dark wood on your Journey from Success to Omnipotence. Call now for your initial consultation, or as we call it here, your first confession. We suggest you bring your attorney to vet the rough draft. For a multi-volume moral biography, I can bring in any number of Sociologists, Theologians, and Doctors of Divinity to assist me in Discerning your Moral Compass and how it has guided you and our nation to Freedom. They, however, will charge you market rates. I merely broker the transaction for a modest fee. Typically, a good Doctor of Divinity runs about $45 an hour. Since we work from boilerplate, a typical book runs about 50 cents a page, or $100 a pound, not including the leather binding, which is extra. Note that these prices are per copy, since each is a handbound work of art, like a Guttenberg Bible. Typically, we sell these per tractor trailer load. We also provide long term storage, in air conditioned facilities, deep underground in bunkers that will surive nuclear war, and will keep your legacy alive until the Second Coming of Christ, when he comes to judge the living and the dead. Not that you have anything to worry about. Another judge another dollar.