The Candidia Cruikshanks Philanthropy Medal of Honor, Apply Here

Here we go again. (Game on.) My boss, Candidia Cruikshanks, she who rules us all, CEO of Wealth Bondage, proud sponsor of Gifthub, and social venture philanthropist beyond compare wants me to have a Gold Medal of Freedom struck in her honor, her face on the recto, her boots on the verso. The idea is to recognize a rising millennial thinker or grantmaker who has done the most to advance philanthropy during his or her most earnest and upwardly striving years. "Honoring those Sweet Young Social Change Funders Who have Learned the Ropes," is the tentative motto. Preference is given to MBAs. I found this medal online and will have to get it customized for a few bucks.

So here is the deal. I will let the millennial funder honored by this medal blog at Gifthub under a pseud of his or her choosing, That way he or she can be himself or herself, fully authentic, without risk of reprisal or ostracism. To further protect the identity of the winner, I will also create a totally fictional character, a monster of unreason and complacency, much like what you see all around you, but more so. It will be up to you, Gentle Reader, to determine what is True and what is Bogus. To make it easier, I will also continue to blog here in Propria Persona. All my posts are (I speak in all sincerity) Authentic, but we can do plenty of damage all the same, with the Semiotic Russian Roulette played as per the above. I will play the Sincere Stooge, or Straight Man, with my real life bio pledged as proof of my integrity.

Of course, Bogus is as Bogus does and it is possible that all the guest bloggers are Real, or that all are Bogus. Unless you can tell which is which how in the name of God can you watch TV, make grants, manage subordinates, vote for the candidate of your choice, or make Informed Consumer Decisions? I mean what if the people in charge are shining us on as a matter of course? How would we know? Should we ask them? 

Can Philanthropy save Capitalism? I asked Candy, apropos of this important new Millennial Freedom Initiative. Fucking A, right, she said. We are going to save Capitalism up the Ying/Yang for generations to come if these little grantmaking sweeties do their job and kiss my boots in a proven process for doing well by doing good. You get more of, Phil, what you reward, and less of what you punish. That is the first principal of management, whether of employees, strategic grantmakers, or strategic grant consumers. You set such a good example, yourself, Phil, don't just stand there and smile like a waiter. Do something servile! Or, no, let me see you sit up and beg!" The Millennial Medal of Freedom is a small step on stiletto heels in the right direction. I am pleased to play my own modest part in the larger story of Western Civilization.

Comments

[jr]

What's a millenial?

[Phil Cubeta]

A person born in a certain era, the Boomer children. It is a demographic that is becoming highly profitable. We must find ways to ally ourselves witht the millenials in order to mentor the next generation of leaders in Wealth Bondage.

[jr]

Ah.

why not have a Run of the Millennials? The Millennials could be The Bulls and the X's, Boomers and Greatest Gen'ers could be the things they chase and butt out of the way.

I think it would be cathartic for the Millenials, a chance to gore the dull generational oxen that impede their digital nativity (homo zappien-ness?)

Non?

[Phil Cubeta]

O yes, that is Family Drama here. Help Father into the Nursing home, lest he choke himself on his oatmeal.

[jr]

We're gonna need some kind of gadget. Or app. You're not gonna line-up too many Millenial without a shiny app.

[Phil Cubeta]

Boomer Zapper App?

[jr]

Sure, most Boomers are on shaky legs anyhow. Something to resonate negatively with their SSRI's would probably do it. 4G, coordinated with the global rollout.

[Phil Cubeta]

Work forever is the new Boomer retirement reality. From Success to flipping burgers at McD's.

[Pappy]

They make it too dry. Like glue.

[Phil Cubeta]

Skim milk may help.