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I did not make the net worth and income requirements, but I am allowed a free trial membership, and a free run of those elite bacchanalian revels, as the Exclusive Morals Tutors to America's Wealthiest Singles and Families of all Races, Classes, and Genders. The Affluence Concierge provides priority access to me whenever the Wealth Holder or his or her date, or child, has lost his or her moral sanity, never had any, or is in need of a morals makeover. For upgrades in good sense and good taste, I always recommend the free-range Comp Lit Tutor, Tom Matrullo, for whom The Great Gatsby, Paradise Lost, The Romance of the Rose, or The Divine Comedy are all light work. So many are working to pander to, or corrupt, or exploit these millionaires, billionaires, and socially elite, status and luxury besotted people. It is only fair that Tom and I redeem them, as best we can, one lost soul at a time. We might have done it as Morals and Literature Professors Yale, had we not partied away our years there in grad school with results that now leave us three million short of elite status. Sadder and wiser, yes, but where's the percentage in that?