Porto-Freedom-Potties: A 10 Bottom Line Social Venture

Porto-Freedom-Potties are a 10 Bottom Line Social Venture. Count 'em on your fingers: 10 ways to win!

• When citizens protesting the loss of civil liberties are ushered into the designated Ordered Liberty Free Speech Pens, they will have the option of purchasing a Porto-Freedom-Potty that straps conveniently to the left thigh. As such the Porto-Potty provides much needed consumer relief. Win #1.
• The Porto-Freedom Potty makes a big profit, since the consumers are captive. Through the miracle of the pricing mechanism, equating supply and demand, profits are huge. Win #2.
• Porto-Freedom Potties operate on a sweetheart government contract, helping privatize functions that would otherwise require taxes. Win # 3.
• Porto-Freedom-Potties exercises its own right to free speech by making large campaign contributions to the political powers that be. Free speech is good. Win #4.
• Porto-Freedom Potties employs the legislators who made the sweetheart deals when they are out of office. Big savings on unemployment insurance for small businesses, the backbone of America. Win #5.
• Porto-Freedom-Potties are made by prison labor right here in the USA. Wins #6, #7, # 8 and #9. (Forprofit prisons, job skills for inmates from disadvantaged background, more campaign contributions, enhanced support for law and order.)
• Embedded in each Porto-Potty purchase is a $5 dollar donation to American Enterprise Institute. Win # 10 is philanthropy.

Comments

[Cackety Dishwitz]

After sextuple, who's counting? Most people like to smoke.

[Antoine Möeller]

Count 'em on your fingers: 10 ways to win!

Ideal for the diametrical phalangopist!

[Stuart]

#11: Environmental bottom line: Helps reduce your carbon footprint by reducing the total number of flushes.

#12: Existential bottom line: With the Porto-Freedom Potty strapped to your leg, you're never quite sure if you're coming or going.

#13: Feminist bottom line: Women are empowered to piss standing up.

[Albert]

Gross.

[Phil]

The whole problem could be solved by auctioning protest vouchers to the highest bidder.

[Mrs. Frist Do No Harm]

A marvelous idea, Phil. If you could rid your blog of this comment pestilence we might get something done.

To riff and raff I say:

No Christian Lady has ever peed standing up. All stand up pee comes from heathens. Having a bottle to catch it or not it is still heathen pee.

One sees the imprint of ample buttocks throughout the soft soil of Christian History - the event has been fossilized even.

Should you "historians" ever come to your senses sufficiently you might actually approach a Real Christian Lady - see if she hasn't found numerous avenues to Democratic Expression superior to crude protest. So that you need not darken any Good Christian Doors I shall assure you here: She has.

A Real Christian Lady would never strap anything to her thigh that she couldn't pull the trigger of. You may count on it.

[Phil]

I wonder if the indignation has the right target. Beyond language, family values, and religious belief, things that may divide us, we should be united in defense of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. While we the people pick fights with one another, we are all getting swindled from those above us.

[Mrs. Frist Do No Harm]

Perhaps I have been too harsh, Phil. When one's core values are under constant seige one tends to lash out at one's persecutors. I will try to practice some good Christian Charity in support of your noble experiment.

Who knows, perhaps one day riff, raff and I will be manning the ramparts together. Stranger things have happened.

[Phil]

Exactly. All but a few lose in the direction in which we are headed. To reverse that we the people have to find common cause. We the people include Mormons, Jews, Christians, Secular Humanists, homos and homophobes, male, female. Christian women offended by bad language are not the enemy per se, though they are easy dupes.

[Antoine Möeller]

Could someone with a little pull help to straighten this out? Seems the Mormons, Jews, Christians, Secular Humanists, homos and homophobes, males, females (even the squatting Christian type) are reasonably united about this:

The FCC Ignores the Public Will

and this

From the look of things, most Americans would welcome the rule of law and an end to extremes of brutality

and some other stuff, too, I think.

I figure there's something at the bottom of it all. We should try to find it out.

[Phil]

You are operating on the illusion that corporations "represent" the electorate. Corporations represent stockholders. They hire lobbyists and make campaign contributions to their officials in DC. The rest is campaign rhetoric based on talking points produced by think tanks funded by Conrad Black et al. United against the game does not do us much good, unless, I guess, we raise enough money to buy our politicians back.

[Gerry]

Speaking of stuff that doesn't get reported. Would something like this go unreported and uninvestigated if it involved a company with connections to Democratic Party leaders?

[Phil]

Friends in high places for KBR. We may not like it in the relocation centers they run when our time comes.

[archy]

i believe in the public trust. do not ruin it for me.

[Dian Sauer]

Boy, at the very least this raises mouth-dropping questions, thanks to you.

[archy]

you see? ms. sauer's on it. stop griping.

[Antoine Möeller]

You are operating on the illusion that ... negative ... depressing ... boring ... raise enough money to buy our politicians back.

Hey, we all save $2500 a year thanks to Walmart, no one disputes that. If we each take just half of that and put it in a big pile we could afford something, right??

Let's spread a little "extreme philanthropy" on the grassroots and see who salutes it. Like archy says, it beats griping by a long shot!

[phil]

Well, that is one problem fixed. What is next?

[Antoine Möeller]

You are operating on the illusion that ... negative ... depressing ... boring ... raise enough money to buy our politicians back.

Hey, we all save $2500 a year thanks to Walmart, no one disputes that. If we each take just half of that and put it in a big pile we could afford something, right??

Let's spread a little "extreme philanthropy" on the grassroots and see who salutes it. Like archy says, it beats griping by a long shot!

[phil]

Change.org actually supports that kind of grassroots fundraising for lobbying, I believe.

[archy]

i believe you believe he she they believe.

[archy]

we believe. we are believers.

[archy]

conjungate that saleem.

[Phil]

Archy, no Thunderbird until after you blog or comment.

[archy]

mad dog bad dog. woof!

[O Lucky Man]

Merry Christmas, you beautiful losers, and Good Luck - I believe we all may need it.

[Phil]

Agreed. Happy Holidays all around. The War on Christmas - let us fight on!