The Model Prisoner
The New Nonprofit IPO As sung to Mack the Knife

A Poor Man's Retirement Plan

Given that most Americans have less than $75,000 as they approach retirement, with a life expectancy of 20-30 years and Social Security under seige, others may want to adopt my retirement plan: drink all day, if you have funds to buy alcohol, eat only high fat foods, it you have the funds for any food, and avoid exercise, under all circumstances, regardless. The doctor says it will kill me, and is increasingly specific as to when. I cannot work until retirement, but I can work until death, begging in this freezing weather, naked.