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February 2012

Surpreme Court Justices Convict themselves of Racketeering (not)

Our birthright now is lost - Juvenal

Maybe it is all the glue I sniff to get through the day in Wealth Bondage doing Donor Centered Philanthropic Planning for Hyperagents, the saved and the damned, but last night I had such a nightmare, so vivid! I dreamt I had been working for two Twin Brother Billionaires on an Action Plan for ruling the world. Somehow I was on trial with the Supreme Court Justices as co-defendants. We had been charged with racketeering. The case had worked itself up, conviction after conviction through the court system until we reached the Highest Court in the Land. The charges were something about Citizens United, payola, and the bag of swag (diamond necklaces, appointments to easy high paying jobs for family and friends, gold doubloons, a book of raffle tickets, a coupon for all you can eat pizza) I had dropped doing Catalytic Philanthropy on the backstairs of the courthouse. The crazy part was The Supreme Court found me and the Supremes guilty and sentenced us all to hang in the public square. Thank God it was only some crazy dream. They would never do that in real life.

Secular Religion as Market Breakthrough

In the WSJ Alain de Botton on secular reasons for encouraging or even reinventing religion - builds community, provides purpose, offsets commercialism. His reasoning is not unlike that of Rousseau and others at the time of the French Revolution. They wanted to eliminate the priests whom they considered conspirators with the king and then create their own festivals in a secular religion. It was not too long before the festival became a ritualized blood bath. The Temple of Agape with a guillotine in the courtyard.  Then came Napleon, a small god on horseback. Something to be said for authentic religions, or none at all. Interfaith Worker Justice  and Dr. Larry James at CitySquare are the real deal. When the last are first and the meek inherit, they will be at the head of the line. When the Saints go marching in.

If, by contrast, we are going to worship Steve Jobs, we must buy real Apple products made in real Chinese sweatshops. If we are going to worship God, adopt a real brand, like Judaism, Catholicism, some variant of Protestanism, the Church of Latter Day Saints, or Islam. Do not buy some knock off, or create your own idol to worship. Steve Jobs is as much a god as was Napolean, Princess Diana, or Simon Magus. Wealth Bondage (The Free Market as it is called by Satan's Legions on earth) is our religion, and it has all the idols it needs, and they are under copyright, on retainer, or on staff right here. The priests of Wealth Bondage include my esteemed colleague Father Brennan, the marketers, the policitians, the think tank thinkers, and the readers of news. Real religion is wholly other and we cannot afford it, not the Pope in his mitre and bullet proof car, not me, not you. The price is paid voluntarily in blood, our own. And the market for such real religion is roughly zero. The value proposition is just not there - I suffer so you get saved? Are you kidding me? What Fool would do that?

In Defense of my Colleagues in Philanthropic Crime

I take exception to a certain innuendo, in a comment by one who goes by Curator, ashamed of his real name and his own dirty trade laundering filthy lucre into respectable philanthropies. He suggests that my colleagues in Wealth Bondage, Sister Lucy and Dr. Amrit Chadwallah, may be one and the same! Actually, to set the record straight, Sister Lucy and Father Simon Brennan (not Chadwallah) have long been rumored to be the illegtimate twins born to my Generous Patron and an itinerant minstrel, who went on to create a site to pirate folk music back into the commons, from whence it came, a crime for which he is now serving 50 years in solitary confinement. My generous patron, heartbreakingly to me, is the one who brought the suit. "Intellectual property," she said chortling, "trumps any personal feelings I might or might not have, to any particular person living or dead. Private property consists of what has been produced under copyright or which was seized from what had been unowned, and as such ripe for the picking." Chadwallah, teacher of English as Second Language, and the Rhetoric of Philanthropy,  is an illegal immigrant, serving at the suffrance of Candidia, finding hidden meanings where he can, though he finds them less and less often as the awful truth about Wealth Bondage becomes ever more overt and widely acceped now as the Newest Normal. (Loss of civil liberties due to 9/11, and an unending state of emergency, was the prior new normal). After Citizens United what else in Wealth Bondage is there left to hide? Well, maybe the Chinese money, the Iranian money, and the drug money in the Superpacs, but it is all money and as such Free Speech. Even drug lords,  foreign tyrants, and those who stripped Russia of its assets under a prior Freedom Initiative, deserve their say in the public square, or before the Supreme Court, or providing perks to the Supremes themselves or those the Justices love in or out of wedlock. It is all Wealth Bondage, after all, Freedom on the Cloven Hoof. Against it stand Father Brennan and Sister Lucy, up to a point, as do you, Curator. I am an honest man and so are you, if men we be. To suggest otherwise is malicious and verges on slander, and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, on up to the Supremes themselves, meeting in solemn session in black robes, upon a raised dais. Father Brennan even now as we speak is hearing confession in the Superpac Scene Room. Jesus! Shut the door. Even the maids and the hommes de confiance are not let in there while that unholy Scene is going on. Only Brennan, theSupremes, and the pony boys and pony girls that Candy is running for office. What happens in Wealth Bondage stays in Wealth Bondage. Congress, they call it for good reason.We are not going to run DNA paternity tests on our staff, generous patrons, and clients, any more than you would on yours, Curator. Wealth deserves some respect, no less than high office. Let us speak well of those who pay us, lest they find another procurer of the unspeakable joy (juissance) of giving.  

Footnote: By using the term, juissance, meaning orgasm, particularly during onanism, our author function signals to us over the head of the post's putative author (Phil Cubeta) and connects us to the living and eternal tradition of postmodern Parisian thought, primarily that Jacque Lacan, but also Jacque Derrida (note the significant doubling and redoubling of the first name!), a tradition of which I myself am the foremost living proponent, other than AKMA who is the real Sister Lucy.  - Signed, Dr. Amrit Chadawallah, Adjunct in Charge of Hidden Meaning, in Wealth Bondage.

Business Owners: The Prolific and the Devouring

Yes, there are ethical business owners who want to leave more to their children than a gated community in a society gone wrong. When God came to earth he said, "Whatever you do for the least of these you do for me." "The meek shall inherit." "The last shall be first." Even God on Earth could not sell that brand. He also said, therefore, "Let the dead bury the dead."

The %1 are not the problem, and 99% are not the solution. As Solzhenitsyn said, "The line between good and evil is drawn through every human heart." People of good will of every economic stratum have more in common with each other than with the criminal elements of all classes. It was Wm Blake who spoke of  "the prolific and the devouring," the artist and the critic, the creator of public goods and the purveyor of the  brand.

So let us convene the prolific and help them be more so.

Ethical Business Owners as Prospects for Social Justice Philanthropy

More than 60% of GNP is in the hands of closely held firms. As the baby boom ages, these firms will change hands. The money can go to taxes, charity, or children. 49% of wealthy people say, per US Trust, that they have no interest in leaving a financial legacy to heirs. This means that properly planned, business owners will leave, or could leave, a massive amount of money to charity. They can give it at death or live it while alive. I believe that properly planned they will live their giving for the final third of their lives. Read this post in the light to the Mother Jones data on how American is becoming a Banana Republic without the Bananas or the Republic, but with fewer and fewer Constitutional protections from the kind of wealth that backed Pinochet and called it Freedom, dropping social justice advocates from the transport planes in chains. We can sleep through into the nightmare, leaving it for our children, or we can quietly plan for the Resurrection, in this world, in our lifetimes, and that of our children. Yes, my progressive friends, there are ethical closely held business owners. How to address them? With Interfaith Worker Justice we may find a way to convene and plan with them. <Insert prayer here. A prayer for peace and justice, and my not getting hurt. If that is too much, O Lord, give me long life, wealth, health, and personal comfort. Amen.>

Helping the Rich Pass their Values on the Demoralized Masses

Per Charles Murry, in Coming Apart, the poor of all races are failing because they do not share the moral values of the wealthy (Hedge Fund Managers, Bankers, Celebrities, Talk Show Hosts, Advertising Execs, Funders of Super-Pacs and Think Tanks). The solution is for the wealthy to impart those values to the help, to employees, the unemployed, the jailed, and the demoralized. I am all in favor of that, but to better prepare - because teaching morals is very hard work - I would suggest that the rich get a values-refresher course and a morals certification before embarking on the treacherous and often thankless and futile task of reforming others. In the hopes of saving our country, I am hereby offering a free morals tutorial to each and every rich person in America. By rich, I mean net worth sufficient to generate estate tax under current law, and/or income of more than $500,000 a year.

How can I keep up with national demand you ask? O, it hurts to laugh. The last time I made this offer the only taker was a rich old geezer who wanted me to tutor his daughter who had run off with a bongo playing hippie at an Occupy event. I assume Charles Murry will be first in line for a Morals Certificate. A self conferred morals credential has little credibility. Mine comes with a frame and bears the Official Wealth Bondage seal, and the robo-signature of Candidia Cruikshanks herself, she who rules us all, rich and poor alike.

How will the Occupy Movement Judge Philanthropy?

An eloquent  post from Albert Ruesaga

The Arab Spring, the Occupy Movement, the class war predicted by George Soros.  These will not be kind to philanthropy.

I appreciate his points, and the Occupiers have my personal support as an individual, but as a salaried grant-maker, I do not make grants to serve the community, nor to serve my personal ideals, I make grants in service of Wealth Bondage Foundation, its Board, management, and Generous Patron. Insofar as Occupy would shake the frame of Wealth Bondage, I can only assume that it would be a Career Limiting Move (CLM) for me to fund these protesters.  So, Albert, how history judges philanthropy in general means a hell of a lot less to me than keeping my job in particular. I would advise you to reflect on that unless you happen to be independently wealthy.

The Moral Obligations of Wealth in a Gated Community

Why are the poor so poor? Because they have bad morals. Why are their morals so bad?  Because of liberals corrupting them.  It all goes back to smoking pot in the '60's. That is the message of Charles Murray’s “Coming Apart: The State of White America, 1960-2010, per Paul Krugman.

The narrative really needs to shift. What are the moral obligations of the rich, whether conservative or liberal? (“Who is my neighbor?” in a gated community.)

I find this is a live question that haunts many a wealthy person and family. 

I also find that our clergy are dead scared to address the issue in any way whatever. The feel even talking about money soils their purity, as if preaching about sheep and goats, vineyards, and fruit trees, a widow's mite, and one Roman coin, were applicable to stock, bonds, and hedgfunds.  

Why do clergy lack the courage to address the moral obligations of wealth? I would not recommend sermon, diatribe, anathema, or even exorcism, but can we create a mindful silence so that a still voice might be heard? The Holy Spirit cannot tolerate lies, particularly the lies power tells through its puppets to subordinate the poor. Why are we then daunted?

100 Women in Hedge Funds-Stanford PACS Conference: Alpha & Altruism

These women in hedge funds want to know where I am in my philanthropic journey? LOL! I tried going from success to significance, Honey, but thank God I booked a round trip ticket. Give me unlimited financial success and I will hire some schmuck like Phil Cubeta to tell the world how much good I am doing. Jed Emerson has a lot to offer too, but he is a bit too ethical for my taste. My Balanced Score Card, Honey, Phil gives me straight A's. Good luck with the conference, I can't attend as I am doing the keynote at a seceret Bilderberg Conference. How to dominate the world and enslave them all is my topic. I don't have the time to jerk myself around with all this hocus pocus double bottom line crap. Some people get off on it, but, get a life!, or a boyfriend. Believe me, Ladies, the thrill of doing good wears off fast. Stick to what you are good at. Get the money and tell them all to kiss your boots. Alpha and Altruism, Jesus, who do you pay to write that shit? What do they call that, alliteration? Did they charge you extra? You would think Stanford Business School grads would be above that artsy fartsy poetic crap.


Candidia Cruickshanks, CEO of Wealth Bondage