How will the Occupy Movement Judge Philanthropy?
I Love Occupy

Helping the Rich Pass their Values on the Demoralized Masses

Per Charles Murry, in Coming Apart, the poor of all races are failing because they do not share the moral values of the wealthy (Hedge Fund Managers, Bankers, Celebrities, Talk Show Hosts, Advertising Execs, Funders of Super-Pacs and Think Tanks). The solution is for the wealthy to impart those values to the help, to employees, the unemployed, the jailed, and the demoralized. I am all in favor of that, but to better prepare - because teaching morals is very hard work - I would suggest that the rich get a values-refresher course and a morals certification before embarking on the treacherous and often thankless and futile task of reforming others. In the hopes of saving our country, I am hereby offering a free morals tutorial to each and every rich person in America. By rich, I mean net worth sufficient to generate estate tax under current law, and/or income of more than $500,000 a year.

How can I keep up with national demand you ask? O, it hurts to laugh. The last time I made this offer the only taker was a rich old geezer who wanted me to tutor his daughter who had run off with a bongo playing hippie at an Occupy event. I assume Charles Murry will be first in line for a Morals Certificate. A self conferred morals credential has little credibility. Mine comes with a frame and bears the Official Wealth Bondage seal, and the robo-signature of Candidia Cruikshanks herself, she who rules us all, rich and poor alike.